Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
