u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
