He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
