Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
