i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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