I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
