Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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