i may or may not be watching the land before time
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
