Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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