When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
