so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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