His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
