he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
