good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
