dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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