Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
