She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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