you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
