nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
