You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
