Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
