so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Boobs are out for the taking
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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