my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
