I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
