he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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