apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
two words...techno handjob
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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