Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
