No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
