Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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