i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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