They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
