i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
