last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
