if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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