Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
