I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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