I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
