your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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