2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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