I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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