He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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