alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
