I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
