whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
