hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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