So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
