We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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