I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
