My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
