i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
