shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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