Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
