I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
