I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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