shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
