If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
